Protected by Rock Salt

Bi-polar....

2010-08-17T06:48:00.003-05:00

Up shit's creek
Down the rabbit hole
Off my meds
On the road
Out of my mind
In the thick of it
Left behind
Right as rain
Hotblooded
Cold as ice
Open arms
Shut down
Good girls
Bad boys
Rise to the occasion
Fall into you
Perfectly
Flawed.

Now I don't know if I can love at all......

2010-08-13T12:04:00.001-05:00

Because it's funny.
Every.
Fucking.
Time.

It's been said "Change is good".....

2010-08-13T10:11:00.003-05:00

I'm not convinced yet.
Pics of the new batsuit.
Thumbs up? Down?

The Lovers, The Dreamers, and Me.....

2010-08-06T12:12:00.003-05:00

I'm trying hard to decide if there needs to be a category for each.
Why can't I be all three?

Because I'm an Aquarius........ that's why.

I love too much or not enough. And just when you think you've got me figured out, you really don't. If it seems I don't care, there's a chance you're wrong. A damn good chance, really.

Detachment? I'm a fucking pro.
But calm, cool, and Spock on the outside doesn't always match my insides.

So how do I reconcile what you might think I'm thinking with what actually goes through my head? Confession? Nah. I hang on to my sword. Self-inflicted soul wounds don't leave visible scarring. And that's what the Catholics call penance.

S'pose I'll just leave you guessing instead. :)

So I'll leave you with a Watchmen quote:

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke.

Ahhh, that silly Pagliacci. I think he was Aquarian, too.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJC

Boys, get your socks ready....

2010-08-05T12:56:00.003-05:00

Promo art for Batman Arkham Asylum 2 (aka Batman: Arkham City)

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-08-04T08:22:00.001-05:00

Five Things.... (#6)

2010-08-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

I recently took a vacation to Hermann, Missouri. What's in Hermann? Wine.
And lots of it.
We toured eight wineries (and one micro-brew) in two days.
This Five Things I'll share my five favorites wines from my trip.

1. 2006 Bommarito Estate Almond Hill Winery Norton - This fruity little grape is tucked away for three years before it's even available for sale. Two years in French oak and one year in bottle make this wine amazing. Bommarito also had a Norton that spent one year in American oak and one year in French, but it just doesn't match up to the smoothness that two years in the French oak offers.

2. Adam Putcha Jazz Berry - This is a grape wine that has raspberry juice concentrate added. This means super sweet and super jammy. This was sampled with a side of chocolate chips, and this is as close as you can get to drinking chocolate covered cherries.

3. Robller Winery Vignoles - I'm not normally a fan of whites, but this semi-sweet grape is so amazing, we had to come home with some. The semi-sweet version of the Vignoles is superior to the sweet Vignoles in the fact that you still feel like your drinking a wine and not a wine cooler.

4. Hermannhof Winery Germantown - This is a poolside wine. It goes brilliantly with warm breezes and lazy days. It's fairly sweet, but it's not so syrup-thick that most sweet wines feel in your mouth.

5. Dierberg 2006 Syrah - Now, you could be wondering what a Santa Ynez Valley, California wine is doing on this list. Here's the story. Mr. Dierberg owns a vineyard in Napa Valley. He comes to vacation in Hermann and loves it so much, he ends up buying property two weeks later to start another vineyard there. So he owns Dierberg in CA and Hermannhof in MO. We got access to this amazing vineyard in our Wine Trail tour. This was the most expensive wine we purchased at only $36.00 for the bottle. (And this is still pretty cheap.)

We sampled more wines than I can remember. We brought home two cases total.
I cannot wait to go back... when it's not 100+ degrees outside.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJC

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-07-28T08:46:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-07-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

VayCayShun....

2010-07-20T17:50:00.003-05:00

I have not been on vacation for a long while. Like six years of no vacation long while.
It's partially my job. Accounting does not allow for vacationing during tax season.
It's partially his job. Teaching does not allow for vacationing for nine months of the year.

We're heading to Missouri wine country. Granted, it's only an extended weekend, but it's with out Mini-Me and without pets.

Just me and the hubs.

That's right. He'll have to deal with me. I hope we don't kill each other.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJC

Just in case you were wondering....

2010-07-18T10:53:00.001-05:00

I'll take it as a compliment, but I was really shooting for Anne Rice. :)

I write like
Arthur Conan Doyle

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Old Spice Guy...

2010-07-16T09:12:00.001-05:00

You've seen him....and his awesomeness.
Watch him take it to the next level.

Lost-ing

2010-07-15T18:19:00.002-05:00

Ok.... I know. I am a loser. I didn't jump on the Lost bandwagon when it happened.
I got to watch friends tear their hair out every week as one question was answered but another two were asked. I got to set in on lunches that were consumed with WHAT IF and BUT WHAT ABOUT and THERE'S NO WAY.
Everyone told me to plow through the series on DVD in order to catch up.

I'm stubborn.
They laughed.
Now that the series has wrapped, which is what I was waiting for, I've started my Lost journey. I'm currently at Season Two: Episode Twenty. I was asked who is my favorite. I can't answer saying that I have a ONE favorite, but several characters have entertained me.
My kidney cries a little bit every time I see Locke's backstory.
My soul hurts when I see Sun cry.
I catch myself grinning at Sawyer's dimples.
I get a little lost in Sayid's eyes.
BUT..... I have a least favorite.
Michael.
So fucking help me, if I hear WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLT! one more fucking time, I'm gonna find the nearest kitten and drown it.

So for every one who has already taken this journey, please bear with me. I know you assholes are laughing at me.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJC

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-07-14T08:51:00.001-05:00

Batman vs. EVERYONE.

2010-07-09T14:54:00.002-05:00

Maybe 8 minutes is streching this guy's acting abilities.
But he looks fucking awesome.
I'm in love with his Batsuit. Gray and black, just the way it's supposed to be.

I play WoW... big deal....

2010-07-09T13:58:00.002-05:00

Going to Hell....

2010-07-08T16:05:00.001-05:00

Sorry, but I have to post this.

What is BEST IN LIFE?

2010-07-08T12:01:00.000-05:00

I keep trying to tell myself: Be the better person. Don't stoop to her level.

But revenge is a dish best served cold, and I've got a deep freeze for a heart.

I left my old job because of douchebags and cuntsmackers. Now I've found that one of those backstabbing bitches Tweets. It is taking everything in my Batman-esque willpower to not totally fuck with her.

HOWEVER...... should the good people of Twitterverse who know me and love me best champion my cause, wheeeelll..... who am I to deny my followers?

Especially since the tweets are not protected and she's posted her phone number. I mean, c'mon..... such an easy target.

(Oh, and the correct answer to the post title question is: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.)

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJC

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-07-07T08:42:00.001-05:00

When good ideas go south....

2010-07-02T12:51:00.002-05:00

Sometimes....just sometimes....

2010-07-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

Someone gets a parody right. This is pure jeen-yus.
I hope you laugh. Or I'll feel awkward.

It started out as Hogwarts, now it's Lord of the Flies!

Five Things....(#5)

2010-07-01T00:15:00.000-05:00

Music is such a major part of my life. I sing it. I play it. I've studied it. I can't imagine a world without it. Sometimes music moves me. LITERALLY. I mean "get up and shake my ass" moves me. So for this Five Things, I want to share with you five songs you need on your iPod if you want me to shake my ass.

1. Rag Doll by Aerosmith - I mean c'mon. The drums. How can you not follow that?

2. Cherry Pie by Warrant - Seeing this video, I knew my calling. I was gonna be a slut in a rock and roll video when I grew up. It's all I ever wanted to be.

3. For What I Need by James Marsters - Slow and skeezy. As if I didn't love this man enough already. He wants to do what to my peaks? Yeah. It's dirty like that.

4. Lovin' Every Minute of It by Loverboy - Not man, or machine. Just somethin' in between. Yeah, you know you wanna shake it.

5. Feelin' Good by Michael Buble - Holy shit this song. I think I'll make this my dedicated stripper anthem. Because MB knew you were gonna take your clothes off anyway.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-06-30T08:06:00.001-05:00

You are worthress, Arec Barrwin!

2010-06-24T12:03:00.001-05:00

Dude... yer doin it wrong...

2010-06-24T10:23:00.001-05:00

No penises were harmed in the making of this artwork.

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-06-23T08:10:00.002-05:00

Deep inside, lurking....

2010-06-21T12:23:00.003-05:00

I consider myself a tolerant person. Laid back. Easy to get along with. Reluctant to piss people off. And I think most people would agree with this. I just think that life's too short to go foot-stomping and sour-faced all the damn time. If a run with cancer has taught me anything, it's taught me that sometimes it's just not worth getting pissed.

But sometimes, oooouuuu, the self-gratification of going carnival ape shit in someone's face is truly appealing. Because it's not that I never get angry. I just have this Spock like ability to keep everything on the surface calm, cool, and collected. (Yes, I've been called Spock. And not in a nice way, since it wasn't to compliment my ridiculous intelligence.)

So maybe a better comparison would be Hulk. Because it's there. And it's getting harder and harder to manage.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJC

Do your worst....

2010-06-21T08:53:00.003-05:00

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-06-16T09:18:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-06-09T07:11:00.002-05:00

There's 'getting busted at work'....

2010-06-08T06:18:00.001-05:00

..... and then there's THIS.
Love his face, too. "Who... meeeee?"

Help me, Bud Selig. You're my only hope....

2010-06-03T12:22:00.005-05:00

It's baseball. It's a game. And usually things happen just as they should. But this is different. THIS... is history.

Until this year a perfect game in Major League Baseball had happened 18 times. EVER. This means 27 batters up and 27 batters shut down. It's so amazing that even if it's not your favorite team, you want to root for this pitcher. (or you have no love of the game, so fuck off.)

We've experienced TWO perfect games last month. For Braden (OAK) and Halladay (PHI) this is a huge accomplishment. And it should have happened for Armando Galarraga.

The ump screwed him in the final out of the game. He's even admitted he botched the call. Usually bad calls are just part of baseball. You nut up deal with it. However, I honestly feel that this singular bad call should be reversed so that Galarraga can take his rightful place amongst MLB pitcher elite.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-06-02T11:52:00.001-05:00

Five Things.... (#4)

2010-06-01T22:50:00.000-05:00

You want to serve up some drinks? Well this Five Things will let you know what you need on the menu in case I show up. Surprisingly, they aren’t all wines.

1. Coca Cola. – I’m not a fan of coffee, so this is where I get my caffeine kick. Sam’s even sells (what I call) Mexi-Coke from (of course) Mexico made with cane sugar rather than the standard corn syrup. De-LISH. You know I’d like to teach the world to sing.

2. Sweet Tea, Iced – Where I live, you have to add sweeteners to your iced tea. Then they never truly mix quite thoroughly. But when vacationing in the southern states, you get this stuff without asking! It’s truly glorious. Sweet tea is the perfect summer flavor.

3. Chai Tea, Hot – There’s something comforting about this milky, spicy, frothy concoction. I love it. And I hate to think of a chilly morning without it. Hot chai warms you from the inside out.

4. Grape Juice – I think this juice is superior to apple, to orange, to whatever else juice you can think of. It’s bold without being overpowering. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner compatible. Yummie!

5. Cabernet/Shiraz blends – You didn’t think I’d NOT put a wine on here, right? This red goes with everything. Room temp, this wine is low maintenance and ready to go at a moment’s notice. And sometimes, expediency will win points.

I can't do it Cap'n....

2010-05-28T12:35:00.000-05:00

I wanted to save this for a Wordless Wednesday, because it's perfect.
Who am I kidding? THIS GETS POSTED NOW!

And yes, it's dedicated to my Ledger Boys: GC AT MC
Oh, yeah. And that other guy JMcG.

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-05-26T08:07:00.000-05:00

NaCl ... aka sodium chloride....

2010-05-24T12:24:00.004-05:00

I'm protected by it. The blog says so, right?
But what do I actually mean by that?
Wanna find out?

Salt references can be found all throughout religious writing everywhere.
In ancient Rome, salt was used as currency. Roman soldiers were paid salt as their wages, spawning the phrase "worth their weight in salt".

Salt that is mined from solid layers in the ground is called rock salt.

In demon hunting mythos, salt is one of the most fool proof protections. It's pureness is something that demons or fallen angels (both considered impure) cannot cross. (Iron would be another example.) Rock salt rounds tend to be the Winchester's weapon of choice.

But that's all fake, right? I mean, that's just ghost stories and TV shows.

Maybe.

But I've managed to pull through on some life or death situations more than once. Cancer being the biggie. (If you want to know this story, let me know. I'll post it one day.) Another situation that could have gone horribly wrong involves a gun. (That one I probably won't post.) In second grade I suffered a skull-cracking concussion on the school playground. (I was bucked off a teeter-totter.) It just seems that there are so many situations in my life that could have gone the other way. But they didn't.

And there's really no explanation as to why they panned out like they did.
So I'll keep my pump-action double-barrel 12-gauge close at hand. I've still got a shitload of ammunition left. :)

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Points on my girl card....

2010-05-22T16:05:00.002-05:00

Next weekend I'm having a purse party. I. Am hosting. A purse party.
I've already got a shoe shopping buddy in @KyeLani.
Now if I could just get some hair and make-up people.
I might pass for a lady.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

One more thought...

2010-05-21T13:41:00.001-05:00

About last night....

2010-05-21T12:26:00.004-05:00

It was my first Thursday without the boys. This first Thursday after the season ends always leaves me a little lost, a little disoriented. And a lot of sad.

But Fringe distracted me for an hour. The final performance of Leonard Nimoy was a beautiful send off to a distinguished career.

So how will I fill my Thursdays now that my beloved has left me? TV on DVD.

This is how I (re)watched Quantum Leap. This is how I watched Buffy and Angel. (And this is how I will watch Lost.) Back to back episodes. No commercials. One entire Summer, One entire Series.

Now taking suggestions as to how I should be spending my TV time.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-05-19T11:56:00.000-05:00

Things always get out of hand....

2010-05-18T08:41:00.001-05:00

....when Jesus decides to pull a prank.

*click to see

The love of my life....

2010-05-17T06:48:00.005-05:00

Once a week, on Thursday nights, for one short hour, nothing else exists. Not a child. Not a husband. No outside world. Nothing. Just me, two brothers, and the sexiest car on TV. (I guess you could say I'm cheating, but since the hubs watches, I consider it a threesome.)
SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Season five was supposed to be the last of the series. (It has since been renewed for a sixth season.) It was a big apocalyptic battle all season long. Michael versus Lucifer. Dean versus Sam. Brother versus brother in heaven AND on earth. It was brilliant.

The finale was nothing short of amazing. I cried for an hour straight. The Impala was always what I coveted the most about this show, and in the end it was Baby that saved the day.

It started with a little Kansas to get you in the mood. Finally, a little music! It had been so long since a delicious montage had been served up, I had nearly forgotten what it tasted like. This show has never had opening credits, so 'Wayward Son' has always served as an unofficial theme song for this show. It was great to hear it again.

But best of all? CAR PORN. Seriously. It was pure fan-girl CAR PORN. All that was missing was the standard 70's "I'm Gonna Fuck You" guitar riff. (I was gonna include a bunch of double-entendres about fucking the car, but I'll save that for another post.) I love this car. And I've always said the next man who wants to marry me better not propose with a ring. He'd better find me the '67. And yes it has to be black. And YES it has to have four doors. And yes it has to have the non-factory wheels.

I could gush for days about the glory that is Baby. But instead, I will leave you with the immortal words of Wayne Campbell: She will be mine. Oh, yes. She WILL be mine.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

This commercial can only mean one thing....

2010-05-14T12:45:00.001-05:00

SUMMERTIME, BITCHES!

Sorry to disappoint you....

2010-05-14T10:28:00.007-05:00

This is not me.

This is not me.

This is not me, either.

Rant complete.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-05-12T08:25:00.000-05:00

NPR SHOWDOWN!

2010-05-10T06:45:00.002-05:00

So the question is: Who had a better showing on the Delicious Dish?

Pete Schweddy?

Or Florence Dusty?

Hazard of online shopping....

2010-05-08T14:20:00.007-05:00

Just a quick note. I bought a dress for the Ayria concert. It looks super sassy and WAY out of character for me. (fabric, black velvet, and tons of buckles)
I had to send it back.

It was too big. :)

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Captain Jinx and Salty Sam

2010-05-07T12:36:00.000-05:00

This was my all time favorite TV show as a tiny thing. (Hard to believe I was tiny? STFU, asshole.)

Man, things were simple then. But with great power comes... something or other. And with age comes... well... something else. And now that I've been as specifically vague as possible, I feel like this post has come to a close.

It has been said that "Parenting is the hardest, most rewarding job you'll ever have." Someone please let me know when the MOST REWARDING part happens. Right now, it's just HARD.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJC

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-05-05T08:18:00.002-05:00

Or maybe midgets....

2010-05-04T12:55:00.003-05:00

I love tiny things. People included. (don't judge me)
But Paul Simon looks so wee next to Chevy Chase. It makes me church giggle.

Author Edit: After a bit of research ~ Chevy = 6'4" and Paul = 5'3" #fact

Name game....

2010-05-03T08:41:00.003-05:00

Keeper of Secrets, I do not
Envy you. The
Never ending
Darkness you carry is
Always
Longing for
Light. It's
Just
A burden
You alone keep from
Everyone.

Are blogs a useful rant tool?

2010-05-03T06:44:00.006-05:00

Who knows. I mean, it's hardly a rant if no one is on the receiving end, right? And for it to qualify as a rant, does it need to be verbal? Too many rules. And by the time I figure it all out, I don't even have the energy or willpower to put forth the rant I inquired about in the first place. Al wasn't kidding about getting kicked in the crotch, kids.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJC

Five Things.... (#3)

2010-05-01T14:43:00.000-05:00

Is it Five Things time again? Already?
Time flies when you’re having fun, kids.
This time it’s five TV shows I wish I liked. These are shows that are wildly popular and leave me with nothing to talk about while hovering about the water cooler.

1. Reality shows – Seriously. I have enough reality in my real life. I’m watching TV to escape all that. I don’t care who got fired, who was asked to take their final dance, who got voted off the island, or didn’t make the cut. Especially when that reality seems incredibly scripted.

2. Friends – I’m not sure what I’m missing here. It’s a comedy…….but it’s not funny. Maybe I’m just a ‘small town’ girl that doesn’t understand ‘big city’ humor. I tried to watch this show so many times, would get to the end of the half hour, and just shrug. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have five other friends that would sit and drink coffee with me.

3. Sex and the City – Again, big city humor/drama. And this one cuts me deeply because I feel like somehow I’m less of a woman for not liking this show. (And not being first in line for my movie ticket.) I know nothing about fashion and makeup, so it seems like they speak a foreign language to me. Pfft. New Yorkers.

4. Grey’s Anatomy – Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Dreamboat. Kevin McKidd? Delicious. Grey’s Anatomy? STUPID. You’d think they eye candy alone would make me want to watch this. I can’t get into these crazy story lines. I wish I could, but I just can’t watch hot guys flounder with lousy characters.

5. Big Bang Theory – And now for the one with the reason you never saw coming. It’s absolutely painful for me to watch this show. The actors are great. The script work is brilliant. The story lines are funny. Then what’s my hang up, you’re wondering? Sheldon is my dad. I grew up with big words and abstract thinking. I’ve got logic and reasoning skills beyond compare because of my dad. (There’s a story there. Remind me to tell you later.) He’s socially inept. He’s easily flustered should his routines be knocked out of whack. He’s a professional engineer. I can only imagine that I’m peering into a window of my father’s youth. Oh, and I hate canned laughter. It insults my higher intelligence.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

Sam Jackson wants to play a game....

2010-04-30T10:08:00.004-05:00

I had this game as a kid.
I think he would have been a better opponent than my little brothers.

See? Spock has a sense of humor after all!

2010-04-30T07:17:00.000-05:00

Is it the end....

2010-04-29T12:25:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I'm really proud of my work. Other times, it's just 'meh'. So when I finished up the Ellie and Alistair story, I knew it was something special. It's just, that...... well...........

I don't want it to end for them. I've had the story completed for weeks now, and I just can't bring myself to post it. I love Al's snarky attitude. I love Ellie's upbeat, joyful heart. I hate myself for knowing how the story was going to end before I even started it. Think Louisa May Alcott's A Long Fatal Love Chase, if you will. (Which is fabulous and everyone should read it.) (Yes, you too.)
When I finally post it, it will be in it's entirety. Once shit hits the fan, it has to come to a crashing closure.
Hopefully, that posting will come soon. But I just can't bear to let them go. Yet.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

To count or not to count....

2010-04-29T06:43:00.003-05:00

This IS the question. As much as I'd like to know how often my friends stop by, I withhold putting a counter here. Why? Simple...

I can always imagine that this number is HUGE! Without solid, concrete proof, I can always think I'm right up there amongst blogger elite. I know this is not so, but hey... a girl can dream right?
But then on the other hand I'm not even sure if I want this to blow up. I never want this to feel un-personal.
So........ I think I'll rely on comments for now.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-04-28T06:59:00.001-05:00

I'm so sorry....

2010-04-26T11:08:00.001-05:00

...but I think I used to work with this girl.

Women's commercials

2010-04-26T06:58:00.002-05:00

Women don't have to deal with getting hit in the balls, but we have to bleed every month. And sometimes women can be the most petty and back biting people around. So I find a lot of humor in this ad. Leave it to a feminine hygiene product company to make fun of feminine hygiene product ads. *Just like a woman*

Take THAT.............

2010-04-26T06:41:00.003-05:00

Some Useful Condescending Phrases to get your Monday started properly:

-I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
-Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
-The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
-I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
-I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate youself in public.
-I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
-It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
-I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Action figures....

2010-04-22T12:04:00.005-05:00

They're cool right? I still have my Star Wars figs nicely, neatly tucked away. (Of course they are out of the box. I played with my toys.) They may not be mint, but I loved them and took pretty good care of them.
Then along came GI Joes. Holy shit, were they awesome. They. Had. KNEES AND ELBOWS!!! This made putting them in their vehicles much easier.
Now, I do my fair share of MMORPG, and can't help but wonder...

...how do I go about making MY OWN action figures? Lord knows with the level of customization that City Of Heroes/Villains has, you're virtually (no pun) guaranteed to not run into yourself. (unless you do a blatant rip-off of some established Marvel/DC/Image character.) And I have some skills. I've made some amazing toons. Why can't I have them as my own personal action figs?
I know that World of Warcraft offers something similar. But it's more of a statuette/collectible than something you can actually play with. Plus WoW does not offer quite the customization.
So if you ever make it to Paragon City, look me up on the Justice Server. I haz 1337 healz, n00bs.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ (aka The Biscotti Syndicate)

This is why I love baseball....

2010-04-22T07:00:00.002-05:00

Every once in a while you get an "OMG DID YOU JUST SEE THAT??!!" kind of play.
This is one of those moments.

Kownacki leaps over the catcher @ Yahoo! Video

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-04-21T06:50:00.001-05:00

Your earworm for the day...

2010-04-20T13:19:00.002-05:00

You're welcome.

Sue Sylvester goes diva....

2010-04-18T12:41:00.001-05:00

And that's how KJ C's it................

What's in a name....

2010-04-18T12:35:00.002-05:00

I have tons of these since they go fast and I get bored easily. So I'll share one with you. Enjoy!

King of hearts.
Everyone loves him.
No one knows his
Devious mind. Happily ever
After is for
Losers and fools and
Lovers and
Jesters.
Always protect
Your heart from
Evils of the flesh.

Soul Smiles....

2010-04-15T12:11:00.008-05:00

Sometime a smile plays on your lips.
Sometimes it reaches much deeper.
It makes you warm from the inside out.
I call these soul smiles.

So I'd like to thank everyone who visits here. Everyone who has left comments. Everyone who has given me encouragement. Everyone who has made me laugh. So far blogging has been a positive experience. And that has more to do with you guys than it does me. I'm a firm believer that you get back what you give three times over. So let me say: THANK YOU - THANK YOU - THANK YOU. You've made my soul smile.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

More Cock-Blocking

2010-04-15T06:52:00.002-05:00

Evan Ferrante makes me laugh. And no I don't have Take My Breath Away as my ringtone.

Part two - teaser:

Watch more funny videos on Funny or Die

Part Two:

Tom Cruise Is a Cock-Block 2 - watch more funny videos

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-04-14T06:44:00.002-05:00

Tom Cruise is a Cock-Block

2010-04-13T12:56:00.001-05:00

First in a series.

Tom Cruise Is a Cock-Block - watch more funny videos

Eleventh Hour Deal....

2010-04-13T06:47:00.002-05:00

For ten years
I've tried to solve nine problems
but can only come up with eight answers.
I've tried seven ways from Sunday
to solve six degrees of separation.
But it doesn't matter if your five miles
or four steps away,
sometimes three words can't be said
because two
minus one is really
zero.

A lot like you....

2010-04-12T06:47:00.005-05:00

Dexter Morgan. What a guy. Despite the craziness, his life seems so, well, perfect. He has a code. He lives by it. The End. Maybe what I need is a code.

Or maybe not even a code so much as an outlet. Channel all that destructive energy (that I normally turn inward) and make it something positive. It's just that life seems to be ganging up on me right now. And I have no sanctuary. Maybe I'm more like Dexter than I think. In a seemingly great mood while there's a shitstorm going on inside my brain. Not that I think if I start severing aortas that my life would turn peachy. Hell no. That would pose a whole new set of problems. And issues are not what I need right now.

What I do need is to remember to breathe and to put one foot in front of the other. And put stuff like Orgy and Disturbed on repeat on my iPod. And a pedicure.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

I shall call you....

2010-04-10T13:29:00.004-05:00

Nicknames. It's something I do. I can't help it. I name things I'll never have; I name things I desperately want. But it's the people in my life that can't escape my pet names.

This does not mean that if you don't have a nickname from me that you aren't a part of my life. But I take this task very seriously before I grace someone with my own personal code. Know that I don't just hand out nicknames like a perv handing out candy to little kids.

Maybe it's because with a nickname, it's just more personal. It makes at least a little piece of what I've nicknamed mine.

But don't you worry, "Baby". One of these days, it won't be just a little piece of you I own. You will call you mine. And we'll live happily ever after.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

Pixels....

2010-04-09T13:35:00.001-05:00

PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN. - une vidéo Art et Création @ Yahoo! Video

Look! They're just fine!!

2010-04-09T09:20:00.001-05:00

They bounce! Wheeeeeeee!

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-04-07T08:12:00.001-05:00

Baseball Season....

2010-04-06T12:58:00.004-05:00

It started with a colossal THUD. 16-5??? Really???? But never fear, for alas.... I'm a Cubs fan.

I blame my love for this team on two things:

1 - My grandfather. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't have done for this man. I never was "Daddy's Little Girl". But when it came to Marvin (but everyone called him Joe), well that was a different story. I remember spending summer time vacations with my grandparents. One of the rituals Grandpa and I had was watching the Cubbies games. He'd call the pitches, and I'd keep track of how many he got right. He always had room for me on his lap no matter how big (old) I got. And when the 7th inning stretch came on, you can bet we both sang as loud as we could.

2 - My love of underdogs. I love Cinderella stories. I'm a sucker for the people who aren't expected to win. I will back the longshot nearly every time. Mainly because I'm a longshot, not expected to win, Cinderella pre-"Fairy Godmother". I think victory tastes that much sweeter when you're not supposed to taste it.

And so it goes. I root for my beloved Cubbies with all my heart. Even when they lose. One hundred and one years of losing. Because when they do win, it will be so very sweet. (And no one will be able to accuse me of jumping on the bandwagon.)

So in the immortal words of my "Joe"... The wind's blowin' out. The wind's blowin' in. The Cubbies got a hit and they're sure to win! (I miss you Grandpa.)

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

Safety tip for summer....

2010-04-03T12:05:00.001-05:00

Laugh, then call 911.

Five Things.... (#2)

2010-04-01T08:16:00.003-05:00

A while back, I’d asked a movie-buff friend: What movie unexpectedly made you cry? He was good enough to humor me. I thought I’d dedicate this Five Things List to him* and return the favor: five times over. (SPOILER ALERT)

1 – Wall-E I remember being in the theater and thinking this was a good movie. And then near the end of the story, things start to fall apart. By the time EVE and Wall-E make it back to earth to get the replacement parts needed, I was in a near panic. I kept thinking “But he’s not gonna be the same! He’s not gonna BE THE SAME!” Sure enough, the new chip didn’t restore his old personality. I’m sitting there with the sniffles. And then it happened: Eve ‘kissed’ him. And then this turned into a GREAT movie. Hand me a tissue, please.

2 – My Dog Skip I had a black lab growing up. We shared my twin size bed every night. When Brandy got cancer, my mom tried everything to keep her with us. I was in 8th grade when the decision was made that she was hurting too badly and keeping her with us was hurting her more. I came unglued. I knew I was losing my very best friend. The pain was so great that I begged my mom to wait on taking her to the vet until I was away at summer camp. I could not bear to be there when she would make her last trip. Flash-forward to a movie about a dog. When the boy goes away to college, they show a clip of the elderly dog too weak to even jump up on the bed that they had shared. I utterly lost it. It reminded me exactly of my Brandy too weak from chemo to jump up on my bed. Thank God I was watching this one on rental. I refuse to see Marley and Me. I was stupid enough to read the book, and I bawled my way through it. Dues paid.

3 – Corpse Bride This has more to do with music than the movie. Danny Elfman always seems to know how to strike a chord with my tear ducts. I love this composer so much that I even walked down the aisle to “Storytime” from Edward Scissorhands. So when The Bride breaks the curse and turns into a swirl of butterflies, I end up with big huge crocodile tears sliding down my cheeks. I saw this one at the theater. I know I got all kinds of dirty looks. I glared back through tears.

4 – Wedding Singer I know what you’re thinking. “This is a comedy. You laughed so hard you cried, right?” Nope. When Robbie Hart grabbed Billy Idol’s guitar and starts to profess his love for Julia via song, I become a right mess. So simple…. he just wants to grow old with her. Yet these lyrics say so fucking much. Life’s to short to get wrapped up in all the bullshit. Hang on to the simple little things, and just see how happy you can be. I still need that hankie, please.

And the movie that (no matter how many times I see it) makes me cry every time:

5 – Immortal Beloved Most everyone knows I love Gary Oldman. What he does with the role of Beethoven BENDS MY SOUL. I’ve always been able to connect music to my life one way or another. Classical music has its own special place in my heart. The first time I saw this movie, I was left with my jaw on the floor and my heart torn to shreds. So close to being truly happy, yet never quite making it there. And this movie doesn’t just make me tear up. It leaves me with chest-heaving sobs. “I can live only wholly with you or not at all.” Here’s to finding love. Just let me fix my mascara first.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

*This Five Things is dedicated to AT - @maverick99sback. Thanks for everything, Lloyd.

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-03-31T07:07:00.002-05:00

When he's alone....

2010-03-29T12:26:00.002-05:00

This makes me laugh.

Jesus rode WHAT??!!

2010-03-25T12:09:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty proud of my new t-shirt. I originally saw this picture from what had to be some kind of crazy Vacation Bible School coloring book. Believe it or not, the text accompanying this picture says, "Even though we know dinosaurs survived the flood (on Noah's ark), we don't know if Jesus ever rode them. But he probably did!"

I'm still trying to figure out why this makes me laugh so hard. Is it because this is such an absurd thought that Jesus would ride and rope T-rex like a cowboy? Is it the mental picture I get from dinosaurs stuffed into Noah's floating menagerie? Or is it more likely making me laugh because someone somewhere ACTUALLY BELIEVES IN THIS ENOUGH TO PUT IT IN A COLORING BOOK FOR KIDS???

Whatever the reason, I was not about to skip this purchase. My life is more complete with this in my wardrobe. If anyone can find me Moses parting the Red Sea on his Ski-doo, that would be great.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-03-24T08:10:00.000-05:00

Where are they now?

2010-03-19T12:07:00.009-05:00

I saw this and really thought it hysterical. Sometimes happily ever after, really isn't after all. Enjoy!

Cinderella:

Snow White:

Little Red Riding Hood:

Sleeping Beauty:

Jasmine:

Belle:

The Little Mermaid:

Hard Rain....

2010-03-18T12:03:00.003-05:00

I'm in the living room, feet tucked up beneath me on the couch. I'm holding a mug of spiced cider. Absentmindedly, I'm swirling my finger in the foam. It's warm, but not burning to the touch. The television is on. I'm hardly paying attention to any of it. I can't get you out of my head.

The lightning cracks and thunder rumbles. I'm startled from my musings. The thunder lasts a little too long. Is someone at my door? I set my mug down on the side table and stand up. I head to the door. I peek out the window before I open the door, and I see you standing there. I run to the door and throw it open wide. Your hands are on the door frame. You're leaning forward, looking down. Your chest is heaving, drawing in breath. You slowly raise your head and then your eyes. Tiny rivers of rain water trail from your forehead to the crinkles beside your eyes. One lone drop travels down your nose and falls to the ground. You've run who knows how long in this downpour. Your hair is pressed against your head. Your black t-shirt is absolutely soaked with rain. It clings to your chest as you struggle to catch your breath. Your dark jeans are even darker because of the rain. I'm dumbstruck. Speechless. In complete awe of you. You take your opportunity before I can protest, and you cross the threshold. Before I can blink, your hands, wet and warm, are in my hair. Our eyes are locked. I couldn't move if I wanted to. And then the crushing kiss of someone who's been denied for too long. You step completely into my home. In a rushed waltz, you spin me around and none-to-gently close the door with my back, pinning me there. You press yourself against me, and I can't help myself. I push back. The kiss has destroyed my senses and rebuilt them according to your will. Finally, you stop for a breath. Your eyes burn hot with desire. "How far are you willing to push this, Pigeon?" I find my voice reply, "As far as you're willing to go."

My alarm goes off.

MOTHER FUCKER.

Wordless Wednesday....

2010-03-17T06:56:00.003-05:00

Darkness.....

2010-03-12T12:07:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I think my dreams try to alert me to some impending doom. Or maybe I'm just a head case. Either way, they can be terrifying.

I'm scared and running. Wherever my feet take me. Just as long as I'm away. It's dark out here. Too dark. The moon is full. There should be more light. Why can't I see more clearly? Running out of air. Do I dare stop to take a breath? There it is again. The howl. No time to stop. It's too close. Lungs burning. But I think the cabin is close. Just a little farther. I break through the treeline. They've already packed the truck. The motor is running. I am running. Just a little more. The moon comes from behind clouds. It's nearly bright as day now. I can see clearly. The werewolves surrounded the cabin. I'm too late. Driver is screaming at me. Must get to the truck. And then I see you. I'm frightened motionless. You stand there. Arms crossed. You're with them. The wolves. The truck rumbles toward me. I jump onto the tailgate. It drives into the night. I look back. You uncross your arms. Hands go on hips. You tip your head back and laugh. The laugh turns to howl. You start to change. You laugh at me because I believed you. You laugh because I trusted you. You laugh because I loved you. Things fade to black while you laugh continues to ring in my ears.

Ellie and Alistair - Chapter 4

2010-03-11T12:28:00.000-06:00

September 22 – A simple hello

To continue my yesterday:
I left the bookstore and headed to the market. I was gathering things for last night’s dinner. Suddenly a coughing spell cam upon me. It’s hard for me to remember what happened, but I believe I made a spectacle of myself. I couldn’t stop coughing. I couldn’t catch my breath. It was like a blast furnace had eaten all of the air. I tried so hard to breathe in. I was terrified. I remember falling to my knees and holding my chest, praying for breath. And then everything went black. The next thing I remember is the grocer’s face hovering above me. “Eleanor? Can you hear me?” he asked. I blinked as slowly the world started to make sense. There was a tightness in my chest, but at last I could breathe! I looked around. I had dropped my basket, and things were all about the aisle. I know I turned red as beets from embarrassment. I managed to tell him I was fine. I started to gather my things and put them back in my basket. After several reassurances, I convinced everyone who had stopped to help that I’d recovered my wits and was quite alright. Most returned to their shopping, but one woman remained behind. “Hello,” she said timidly. I replied with a hello. “Not to intrude, but my name is Sarah. I heard your coughing fit. I’d like to give you the address of my nephew. He’s in The City, and I know that’s far off, but he’s a wonderful doctor. I’m sure he could help you.” I took the paper from her and stuffed it into my pocket. I eventually made it home, and told Mother what had happened. She said we could discuss doctor business later and tucked me into bed. Once she left, I grabbed my journal. And that is where I’m left. Looking at a scrap of paper and wondering if this is you. – Ellie

I’ve avoided the bookstore today. I can’t bring myself to go in. I had a bitch of a time trying to explain to my wife why I looked like I’d seen a ghost when I got home yesterday. I told her it was a shit day at work, and that seemed to appease her for now. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do about finding her. I shouldn’t be even writing this. What if my wife finds it? How do I even explain the centuries long game I play? I’m putting her out of my mind. Right here and now. Because there is nothing I can do. Fucking helpless. – Alistair

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-10T08:10:00.004-06:00

US Census....

2010-03-09T17:45:00.005-06:00

Every ten years, the US takes a national census. (I said I can do it but you're gonna have to get me my left handed scissors.) I received notification that mine would be coming within the next week. This lead my thought process down the path of "What the fuck have you done in the last ten years, KJ?". This is what I came up with.

I met my future husband.
I moved to a new town.
I survived cancer.
I got married.
I got a dog.
I got a cat.
I was fired.
I held newborns.
I changed jobs.
I buried loved ones.
I became an aunt.
I bought a home.
I was a bridesmaid for the first time.
I became the mother of a teenager.
I discovered new friends.

Seems I've been busy after all.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

The Parking Lot....

2010-03-05T06:49:00.006-06:00

A little fiction based on fact. Welcome to my head after I fall asleep.

Everything starts to come into focus. I turn away from you. I am surrounded by perfectly lined cars. It had just rained. There were puddles in the pavement and that damp smell in the air. I walk away with heavy determined steps. My heels ring out on the ground, and the sound echoes back to me. You call after me, asking me to stop. Before I can shout my reply, you are behind me. Your left hand catches my left shoulder. Your fingers dig deep into my flesh. You squeeze just a little to hard. It's dangerous. It's dizzying. It's delicious. You lean into my ear. You say, in character, "This will never work." But I can feel your heart thundering in your chest as it pounds against my back, and I know you're lying. Your breath smells warm, like cinnamon, and it dances across my neck. It sends goosebumps across my shoulders and down my chest. I can feel the heat rush between my legs. With your hand on my shoulder, I turn to the right so that your arm encircles my shoulders, putting me that much closer to your face. I reply, "I know. But that's not what this is about." And then the kiss. It's hot and fierce. Your hands go deep into my hair and prevent me from moving. It's hard to breathe, but I don't dare break. This may be the last one. And everything starts to lose focus.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-03T12:06:00.004-06:00

FIVE THINGS.... (#1)

2010-03-01T12:39:00.006-06:00

First of every month I want to put together a list. A list of five things. Who knows WHERE that might end up, but for my inaugural run I chose Five Things that everyone should know (according to me).

1. How to tie a square knot – This is super easy. Take one end of the strand in each hand. Place right over left, loop it under, and pull it tight. Now, take left over right, loop it under, and pull it tight. Ta-dah! Because the way this knot is tied, it pulls against itself makes the knot super strong. This comes in handy when you need to tie up your girl/boyfriend and leave her/him in your closet for a few hours so that your significant other doesn’t find her.

2. How to drive a manual transmission – This one does take some practice. But I feel this is an essential skill that every human being should possess in case they want to survive the zombie apocalypse. I actually prefer driving stick shift to automatic. So I guess I’ll have room for a few of you slackers with me.

3. How to balance a checkbook – Believe it or not, banks fuck up. And there is nothing more gratifying than telling those fee-sucking institutions that they are not perfect. Most bank statements provide a worksheet on the back of your monthly statement. USE IT. Then revel in glory of their mistake.

4. How to count back change – You’ve seen it. That look of horror as some teen-thing at McDonald’s types the wrong amount of cash tendered. They desperately call for a manager to coach the machine in front of them to tell them the correct answer. Why? Because mental subtraction is hard. How do you solve this? ADDITION. The goal is to end with the amount of money tendered. (Example: I was handed a $20.00) Start with the dollar amount of the bill. (Example: $4.72) Then you add coin to get to the next whole dollar. (Example, three pennies get you to $4.75, then a quarter to get to $5.00) Then add dollars until you reach the amount tendered. (Example: a fiver to get you to $10.00, then a ten-spot to get you to $20.00) See? Much easier. And you’ll impress your manager that you still know how to do first grade math.

5. How to take a compliment graciously – This one, I admit, I struggle with at times. Mainly because I have a hard time seeing what other people see sometimes. Now, I'm not saying it never happens, but I have never seen someone give a compliment in order to start a fight. If someone tells you that they like your jeans/shoes/whatever, don’t nullify their compliment by saying, “Oh, this old thing?” or “You mean it’s not hideous?” It will make them second guess their own opinion, and quite possibly make them stop handing out compliments. A simple “Thank you!” or “I’m glad you like it.” tends to go a long way.

I hope you’ve learned some valuable tips today. Feel free to leave comments below. I promise to not argue with your praise.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

Welcome to my life....

2010-02-25T13:10:00.004-06:00

Thought this was too good to keep to myself.
Mainly because it's funny, but partly because this is the way it would play out in my house. ENJOY!

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you..' Then we made passionate love all nightlong.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes.. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word,
but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

I love my dentist....

2010-02-23T06:39:00.008-06:00

I've heard radio spots advertising sedation dentistry for people with anxiety. I am not one of those people. I went to the dentist last week, and was awesome. I honestly love going for visits. I can even pinpoint my obsession with pearly whites.

Once upon a time, boys and girls, there was a cable channel called MTV. This used to stand for Music Television. Now, mind you, this was a long time ago and reality bullshit didn't interfere with video after video of gloriousness. I'd heard his music and thought it sounded great from the radio. But when I saw him? His smile just a little bit too wide, his teeth just a little bit too white, and I knew instantly the seductive power of the smile. Kip Winger, you made a fool out of me. I was thirteen and in love.

And that was the beginning of it. One of the first things I notice about people, to this day, is their smile. And even if I don't point out that your smile makes me all gooey on the inside, don't think I haven't noticed. I have. And it's all Kip's fault.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ

BBQ Rules?

2010-02-19T12:54:00.006-06:00

Who knew??

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just NO PLEASING SOME WOMEN!!!

All I really want....

2010-02-12T18:19:00.002-06:00

....for Valentine's Day????

A glass of wine and a foot massage.

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.

-KJ

Y'see, there's this guy....

2010-02-11T18:17:00.005-06:00

I work downtown. I see all kinds of characters. But no one is quite like New Orleans.

If you've never been to the deep south, you might believe that "Southern Hospitality" is a myth. Well, my friends, it's not. It's the real deal. I honeymooned in New Orleans, and I've never felt people go out of their way just to make sure you are comfortable like I did there. I'm sure I stood out as a tourist, but I think it truly goes beyond making sure I return to spend my hard earned money there. They honestly take pride in the things (and food, oh...the FOOD) they make and want to make damn sure you're happy. So when I meet this guy who doesn't seem to have a worry in the world and a constant smile on his face, New Orleans seemed like the perfect nickname.

"Helloooooo Beee-yoooo-teeeeful!" he says every time he sees me. Which I know is a big, fat, bullshitin' lie, but I eat it up like a fat kid in a free candy store. No matter what kind of a mood I'm in, he seems to make me smile. And so this is a little dedication to the people who don't realize that they make a joyful impact on someone else's life. All those anonymous heroes. Because someday, I hope I've made someone else's day a little brighter without even knowing it. Thanks New Orleans. See you tomorrow. :)

Until next time, PASS THE SALT.
-KJ